A New Day

Today I feel as though I'm in a cloud. Honestly, I have hardly had a thought of infertility today. That is close to a first, I don't have many days like that. None in recent memory, and I hope that means the pain is dwindling, even if it is just until af comes later this month. Then it will start all over again. Or maybe it is just knowing I'm in the 2ww and there is nothing more I could possibly do but wait and see, so that is just what I will do. A friend hit her 30 week mark today, which hits home, because she got pregnant the month before they had even planned to start trying. Is it really so easy for some people? Which of course I know is true, my first baby was beyond unplanned when I was in high school, miscarried at three months. But it's just so hard to believe that it could be so easy to successfully get pregnant, and make it to thirty weeks. I would give almost anything to be in her shoes some days. But then I remember that this is our path to parenthood, and for one reason or another, there IS a reason for it being so difficult. And because of it, I will love my children even more. I have found this poem on many sites and wanted to share.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore,
and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.