Back at Square One

So I thought my positive opk last week meant I ovulated, but I guess not. I had lots of EWCM two days ago, so I tested again and got a very very dark positive, and the 2ww begins again. Not that I'm complaining, as I'm hoping this may be the month of a good strong ovulation. It came with tremendous amounts of pain in the middle of the night (the night after I tested +++) that felt like the menstrual cramps I get from endo. I have done some research and don't know if it was caused by the release of multiple follicles or a ruptured cyst as the doctor is having me use OPK's and not doing any ultrasound monitoring at this time.

The other day I broke down in tears at work, typical with these hormones it seems to be, but I just want that to be over. Only two coworkers know about our infertility struggle, but neither are very understanding as one has chosen not to have children, and the other has one but was an unplanned pregnancy. Neither have been through it to understand how painful it can be. But it means a lot just to have them listen and try to understand. I don't tell many people because of just that, they treat you very sensitively and act almost as if you are broken sometimes. And though there are days it feels like it, I can get by much easier at work by simply not talking about it. Be nice, and I will cry. If they would just take a hard line and not care, I could get through without getting upset. It seems to be the same everywhere, doctors, friends, work.

And a quote for the day,

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult–once we truly understand and accept it–then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” –M. Scott Peck